THE PLAN

Danish Days weekend is a funfilled panic with all of us working our butts off to get ready for the parade and our fund-and-awareness-raising booth in the park. We traditionally stay up late Thursday and Friday nights in order to have all the costumes designed & made, float decorated, Lil Orphan Hammie tee shirts made; and items and products ready to sell and distribute at the booth on the weekend. In addition, Suey usually has an open house at the sanctuary and a big BBQ on Saturday night after the parade. Anyone who stays in town or at LOH is invited over for breakfast on Sunday morning and to hang/help out at the sanctuary for the day.

This year plans were scaled down because of the passing of Suey's Aunt (and close friend) Mona. They lost her the morning I arrived and her service was held on the Monday after Danish Days. We decided not to do the open house and to scale down the BBQ to include just the immediate volunteers and also any visitors from out-of-town.

On Friday Suey, our dear friend Sue Schuyler and I were on our way to Santa Maria to shop for the last-minute items needed for the weekend when Suey realized she'd missed a call on her cell phone and played back the message... it was to be a plan-altering phone call...

THE INVITATION

Sue S. and I were yakking away while Suey listened to her message. Next thing we heard...

"Holy sh*t!"
"OH MY GAWD!"
"You AREN'T going to believe this!!!"
"OH NO! Not THIS weekend!"
"What are we going to do???"

Sue S. and I were at a loss, we didn't know who had left the message or what it was about, but we knew it was serious because of the shocked look on Suey's face and the fact that she was having trouble breathing. It took her a few tries to get her breath in order to tell us what the call was about. It was Tracy Warbin (wife of Noah Wyle of ER fame) calling to invite Suey and a guest to share their table at the Farm Sanctuary Awards Gala benefit and dinner in Beverly Hills the next night. Suey has become friends with Tracy & Noah because of their mutual love of animals and because the Wyles have adopted several of their pigs through LOH. It was short notice and because it was Danish Days weekend Suey's initial thought was that she couldn't possibly go as there was still so much to do and organize. Luckily Sue S. was along and absolutely insisted Suey go in order to represent Lil Orphan Hammies... and she was honoured to be included in the Wyle's plans for the gala.

I naturally assumed Steve would go along until Suey informed me that Steve wouldn't want to go and that I had to go with her or she wouldn't go, either. I had an instant shock of fear/anxiety/excitement/disbelief/panic. Sue Schuyler volunteered to look after the Danish Days celebration and parade and absolutely insisted we go. I made a token resistance, but in truth was wildly excited about it, and the decision was clinched when Suey finally reached Tracy on her cell phone and told her we'd be coming and made arrangements on where to meet. Tracy didn't have a clue who Suey was bringing because Suey told her "Margaret" and everyone down there knows me as "Maggie" or "Maggs".

I came to LOH prepared to "pig" and my best outfit consisted of a floor-length casual polka dot dress and my Birkenstock sandals. I was appropriately attired for a gala at the local hot-dog stand. Hence the panic. I had no jewelry, no clothes, no shoes, no evening bag, I didn't have my nails done and I had my hair cut very short for the trip (because of the heat), so I couldn't even curl it. I still feel panicky at the thought of it!

I met Tracy & Noah last year when I went along with Suey to deliver some pigs to their place and also Tracy was in the DDays parade with us, so at least I knew them a little. They are both animal lovers and as easy going as anyone you'd care to meet but I was still a little nervous about the evening.

We spent most of the afternoon going from store-to-store, trying on outfits... Suey looking for something without frills, but elegant, and I was looking for anything that fit that wasn't too mother-of-the bride-y looking. At one point Suey came out of the ladies room with a toilet paper tail and we killed ourselves laughing at her. She was in a state, truth to tell. I finally found something that didn't look too bad that hid most of my lumps and Suey and I were in a sweat trying to find something she liked. Eventually we found a lovely long tunic top and pants outfit that looked fantastic on her. I can't wear high heels... have you ever tried to find a pair of FLAT DRESS SHOES? It appears to be some kind of oxymoron! I bought the ONLY pair of flat dress shoes in Santa Maria, found alittle fancy handbag and some nylons and was good to go. (As good as I get it, at least!) Suey recently had surgery on her foot and couldn't wear fancy shoes either, so she bought her pants extra-long and decided to stick with her comfy shoes.

Just as we were about to leave the store I noticed the tag sticking up on the back of Suey's shirt and reached over to tuck it back in for her, when I realized that she had put her shirt back on inside-out. Well, by this time my feet were killing me and I still had to hobble out to the car and I knew if I told her about it she would make me stand there and wait while she ran back to the changeroom to put it right. So, um, er, well I didn't tell her. When I made that decision I started to laugh. Laughed all the way out to the van with Suey eyeballing me wondering if I'd flipped my wig. We met up with Sue S. at the van and she asked Suey if she knew her shirt was inside-out. By this time I was a wreck from laughing so hard and had to admit I'd kept mum about it for the last half hour or so. Suey was NOT impressed, but Sue S. & I cracked up over it. Suey wouldn't go back in the store to fix it so she spent the rest of the day with her shirt turned and away we went back to LOH to finish getting the float and wagon ready for the parade.

Sue S. was calmly confident that everything would be done in time and that she would have it all nder control and running smoothly. Thank God for friends like her at times like these. Her reassurances helped to keep Suey and I from drifting totally off the planet.

DANISH DAYS

By some miracle of co-operation and organization we managed to feed & water the pigs (thank you Susan Warner), finish the float ready for assembly, make the costumes, decorate the little wagon and still got to bed by 2:00 am Saturday morning. Up again at 6:00 am to do the final preparation for the float and information booth,loaded the pigs, cookies and water and took off by 12:30 for the parade staging area. We did the final assembly, got the pigs dressed and watered and met with the other folks who would be participating along with LOH. Cindy and Ken Holloway brought the famous Moeshia in her little red wagon and Susan W. pulled our Sweet Snuggles in the little cart.

In order for Suey and I to be in LA by 5:30 we needed to leave Solvang by 3:00 so we would have had to leave the parade by 2:00 in order to have enough time to shower, dress and do our make-up. HA! Anyone who has spent more than a day with Suey will know that getting anywhere on time is a pipe-dream and I was becoming seriously anxious when 2:30 rolled around and she still didn't appear ready to turn over the reins to Sue S. and leave for home. I tried a mild bellow and warned her that I was going to take as long as it takes to get ready, and wouldn't be leaving for LA until all was as it should be. Her "Don't worry... we'll get there" somehow failed to reassure me. Anyway, another anxiety-filled moment or two passed and we were on our way to Suey's to get ready.

With great determination and lightening-like speed we showered, put on make-up, got into our glamduds and flashed out the door at 3:30 precisely. I could have cheerfully strangled Suey for dawdling and making us late, but she was ready before me and nagging me every two minutes to hurry up. I was NOT at my best by this time as it was over 100 degrees F and I was picturing my make-up landing somewhere around my chin area as it melted off my face. Luckily there was no one around as I struggled to get my 5'2" body into the truck without falling on my head. I blessed Steve for the loan of his air-conditioned truck many times during the trip.

THE TRIP

After about an hour of driving Suey got a craving for breath mints so we pulled off the highway into an Albertson's parking lot. I would have protested the additional delay, but I wanted to use the ladies room, so I went in, too. Picture me in my black formal dress and jacket and Suey in her pants and shiny silver tunic top trying to be inconspicuous as we clambered out of the truck and pelted across the lot to the store entrance. You'd have thought we landed in a UFO for the quality of looks we received! One woman stood there with her mouth open, groceries and child forgotten, and watched us all the way to the door. hmmmpf! "It's CALIFORNIA!" I thought... "People should be USED to seeing weird ladies in formal wear running around the malls at 4:30 in the afternoon!" I hurried through my business and noticed Suey was in the lineup at the checkout so I went ahead out to the truck to wait for her. Remember... it's 100F and I'm trying not to overheat. So I waited and waited and finally dashed back into the store to see what happened to her. I couldn't find her anywhere and finally I looked in the ladies room and there she was touching up her make-up. To say I was exasperated would be a mild understatement! "GET OUT OF HERE," I bellowed at her, "WE'RE LATE!" She gave me that impish grin and away we went back to the truck. Suey is UNFLAPPABLE!

"Don't worry" she said, "we have plenty of time". Hmmmmm with Suey those are famous last words. Around about this time I made up my mind that I was NOT going to care if we were late and just decided to enjoy the trip.

During the long drive down to LA our emotions were ranging from a semblance of normal through panic-stricken. We didn't know what to expect when we got there and Suey was shy about meeting Noah's parents, who I knew would be just as real and matter-of-fact everyday people as Noah and Tracy. I could stand in front of the whole roomful of stars and make a presentation or give a speech or anything, but the thought of walking up that red carpet just made my knees go jelly and I felt like fainting.

THE ARRIVAL

We got to the Beverly Hills Hotel at 6:30! An hour late!! Pulled up in front of the hotel and had to get out and turn the truck over to a valet. I'm short and sitting in the passenger side of the truck. Now I had to figure out how to get out of the truck without making a fool of myself or showing God and the world my panties, so I just swung my feet around, held onto my dress and slid off the seat to the ground. The valet tried to help me, but I was too fast for him... I would have had to let go the truck to take his arm, so I just bailed. I did OK and managed to stay on my feet and keep my dress down where it belonged, then I looked up and there was the red carpet. GASP!

THE RECEPTION

My fears were relieved when we started up the carpet amidst these huge pillars and a young gal in teeshirt and cream coloured jeans asked us if we were there for the Farm Sanctuary Gala. We said we were and she took us along to the next usher, who helped us to the next one and so on. Once inside the building we went up to this table where they checked the guest list for us and gave us each a name card to pin onto our clothes. They also gave us a card with "Table 10" on it. This whole routine was handled with efficiency and class and I felt "important" by their treatment. It was also a huge relief to be able to recognize who we could ask for information because all the Farm Sanctuary volunteers were dressed identically.

Just as we left this area we ran into Noah and Tracy who gave us an enthusiastic welcome. Tracy introduced us to Lorri Bauston (who co-created the Farm Sanctuary with her husband Gene.) She told Suey, "I've heard SO MUCH about you!" Then she left to greet some other guests. Tracy must have known we were anxious about our appearance, and after exchanging pleasantries for a few moments she looked at us and said, "You're PERFECT!" I was vastly relieved, having never been to a "black tie affair" before, and I had been worrying about reflecting badly on the Wyles. It was an unworthy thought, as the Wyles are as matter-of-fact and easy as you could ever hope for. I was comfortable with them right from the start, although I admit I was still feeling a little shy and nervous. Tracy & Noah left us to continue socializing while Suey and I headed out in search of a drink.

We made our way to the press area where the papparazzi were cordoned off in front of a large screen where the celebrities were to stand for photo opportunities. When we arrived there weren't any stars around so we made our way down this gorgeous staircase to the room that held the silent auction. We weren't in the room two minutes before a waiter arrived and took our drink orders (on the house). I had a glass of white wine and Suey ordered a cocktail. Many items had been donated ranging from paintings to quilts with prices starting around $ 200 going up to the thousands. They had paintings donated by famous artists Susan Coe and Peter Max and some truly lovely works by other less-known contributors. Pigs were the theme on many of the works, and there were also many pastoral scenes and farm animals. Suey and I spent a pleasant half hour or so critiquing the works. I felt very "swish" hobnobbing with the hoi poloi while sipping that cool, delicious nectar while a lovely lady provided perfect background music on a grand piano. Pinch me, folks, I must be dreaming!.

THE FARM SANCTUARY GALA

After about 40 mins. or so the lights dimmed and went on again several times in the silent auction area, which was our signal to make our way to our table in preparation for the official ceremonies and dinner. Just as we were about to leave I turned and there was Doris Roberts (she plays Raymond's mom on "Everybody Loves Raymond"). I got one of those heart-lurches of recognition (OK star-struck) and just grinned at her and she smiled back. She was chatting away to someone and it was eerie to hear her voice in "real life". It was a thrill just seeing her there. I was trying my best to be suave and not gasp and point when I recognized someone; and had to keep reminding myself that what I have in common with all these people is a love of animals. Still... I was having trouble breathing around about this time and wondering who else we might run into during the course of the evening. Just then I turned and saw James Cromwell leaving the room. ("Farmer Hoggett" of "BABE" fame.) I was tickled to see him there as he's been in movies forEVER and I really like him.

The purpose of the gala is to raise funds to benefit the Farm Sanctuary and to help them in their work of exposing harsh treatment of and improving conditions for farm animals in the food production industry. Their program for the event stated, "... commitment to farm animal protection, opening hearts and minds to the needless suffering of farm animals on factory farms, in stockyards and in slaughterhouses."

We made our way to our table and there was a name card at each place. Suey and I were the first ones there and on the table in front of our place setting was a program, while on the chair was a shopping bag full of vegan/vegetarian products as well as a video production about Farm Sanctuary and their programs which was narrated by Mary Tyler Moore. Also included was a tofu cookbook and many interesting cosmetics and edibles. I was gobsmacked! The chandelier in the center of the room probably cost more than our entire house! A few moments later Tracy and Noah arrived, along with a couple of their friends. Introductions were made all around and we put in our drink requests and chatted while we waited for the formal part of the program to begin. We talked about raising kids (Tracy is expecting), family values, staying "normal" when you live in the spotlight and many other things, just like everyone does. I don't know what I expected, but I was gratified to be treated as a family friend and enjoyed every moment.

I won't bore you with all the details of the night, but we dined on a delicious 4-course vegan dinner and enjoyed a program MC'd by James Cromwell and Linda Blair. Awards were given to the former president of the California State Senate David Roberti, Kim Basinger (who managed to be glamorous in overalls!), Wendy Malicke (Just Shoot Me), and Charlotte Ross (NYPD Blue).

Some of the presenters/attendees were Daryl Hannah, Dana Daurey, Doris Roberts (already mentioned), Denise Faye, Lyndsy Fonseca, Tom Lenk, Loretta Swit and many more. A woman named Gretchen Wyler (creator of the Ark Trust) performed for us. She sang a medley of tunes with the lyrics changed to reflect an "animal" theme. It was fun and she's a real spark.

Wendy Malicke and James Cromwell were seated at the table in front of us and I could have easily reached back and touched Wendy on the shoulder, though I'd never have the nerve in a million years. It was tempting to grab my camera and blast away at all these well-known people but I was too shy and I didn't want to embarrass the Wyles or their other guests, so I restrained myself. (NO LAUGHING!) I CAN be decorous when the need arises!

It became obvious after a while that James Cromwell was willing to stand for the cameras so Suey introduced herself and mentioned LOH then asked him if we could have our pictures taken with him. He agreed and he said, "Where do you want me?"

Mr. Cromwell (Jamie) is very tall, so I said, "How about down here with me?" He laughed and scrinched down so that we would both fit in the frame. Next it was Suey's turn and the bad news is that I messed up the picture (being unfamiliar with Suey's camera) and we were unable to catch him again before the evening ended. It was very disappointing for both of us and I felt really badly about it until Suey told me she'd get a pic with him at the next Genesis awards dinner.

We took a few random pix around the room, but that was about it. By the time the band started up for dancing most of the celebrities had left so Suey and I gathered up our things and got ready to leave. The Wyles left just as the ceremonies ended so I didn't really have time to say goodbye except to wave across the table at them as they left. Bless their hearts, they don't know what a tremendous thrill it was for us to be there, sharing their space and their hospitality.

At our table there were two seats reserved for Noah's parents, who were unable to attend. As we were getting our feet under us Suey noticed the two amenities bags on the empty chairs, so she took one of them to give to Sue Schuyler (who took care of everything to do with the parade) and she made me take the other one for Susan Warner (who did all the piggin and helped with everything else). I didn't want to be seen leaving with two bags, but what the heck! They would probably have been picked up by the staff during cleanup, so I got my nerve up and took the second one. Then Suey has to stop and chat with folks on the way out, and there I am standing in the middle of the room holding two shopping bags! I could have cheerfully kicked her one.

Next thing you know we were on our way up the magical staircase and just as I'm starting to feel relieved Suey decides to do a tour of the hotel! Off we went, poking our noses into this room and that till we ran into some stargazers who wanted to know all about the gala. They were bragging that they saw Noah Wyle and nearly fell over when they found out we had been Wyle's guests! We were very full of ourselves!

I eventually managed to drag the recalcitrant Suey outside and we took a few pictures while we waited for the valet service to bring the truck around. My last big challenge was to get myself into the truck without requiring a boost, but adrenalin and grim determination helped me and we were away. Before we'd gone five feet I kicked off my shoes and heaved a giant sigh.

It would be out of character for Suey to just head straight home, but our diversion is fodder for another story, so I'll just tell you that we were SO LATE leaving LA that we had to stop a couple of times so Suey could have a little cat (pig) nap before continuing on home. We arrived safely at around 3:00 am, tired, but feeling very privileged and grateful for the gift of this wonderful evening.

copyright Margaret Timms October 2002